I'm 30 this time. Surprisingly, I'm feeling my age. In the way my balance shifts after 2 beers and the tiny little lines I see around my eyes in the mirror each morning. As my grandma used to say - Aging is a bummer, but far better than the alternative.

This year I raced for the first time, did weight work, drummed, rode 100 miles, did the dirt series course, started meditating on regular basis, presented at NoCoug twice and HotSos once, wrote a paper, joined NoCoug board, had 4 different team leads, found a todo management system that seems to work, jogged, regretted past decisions, started paying attention.

Next year I'll dance, play the piano, learn yoga. Write another paper, maybe two. Visualize information. Teach. Socialize. Read research papers. Ride far away mountains. Visit Amsterdam and New-Amsterdam too. Probably a lot more.

Birthday day itself was nice - Omer and I went on our annual birthday ride. I got birthday gift from mother nature - highly annoying burn from poison oak. But it was still a good ride. Celebrated with Omer by buying a keyboard and going to a nice restaurant in my favorite town. Celebrated with a good friend at the pub, and even enjoyed a game party with old and new friends.

(none of these work, which I find endlessly amusing)

1. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's & father's middle names)

Null Rochester

2. NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother's dad, father's dad )

Erwin Othniel

3. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name)

Shachen

4.DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color, fav animal)

Purple Heron

5. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you live)

Rochester Cupertino

6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav alcoholic drink, add "THE" to the beginning)

Black Quantro


7. FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)

Chra

8. GANGSTA NAME: ( fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie):

Green tea shortbread


9.ROCK STAR NAME: (current pet's name, current street name)

Null Bret


10. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on)

Simba Hahaganah

When I feel guilty about spending so much money on bicycles, I go shopping an NeimanMarcus.
My favorite bikes cost slightly less than a Prada handbag!
http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/catalog/prod.jhtml?itemId=prod62120096&parentId=cat13030757&masterId=cat13030742&index=5&cmCat=cat000000cat000141cat13030735cat13030742cat13030757

Hey Prada, can your handbag do 60kmh?
My bikes look better too :)

I'm so grateful for all the wonderful things that happened for my birthday!

Wonderful new bikes from my amazing, caring, loving and financially irresponsible husband.
And a terrific morning ride with my favorite riding partners.
Fashionable bag delivered to my doorstep from my father's family.
Phonecalls from family.
Nice messages in facebook from colleagues.
Far-away friends saying happy birthday in messenger.
And friends calling to say "I love you".
Realizing once again that male friends never ever remember birthdays.
And realizing that last year was a good one, and the next one will be even better.

After almost 30 years of living, I'm finally starting to love myself. Tonight I'll drink to that.

North California is burning. 1000 fires are raging all over the area. I know many people who were evacuated from their homes, and hope that their home will still be there to return to.
The air is full of smoke. It is difficult to breath and it looks like the weather is constantly cloudy and foggy. The smell is horrible, but after few days, I got used to it. I still wake up every morning with taste of ash in my mouth.

As compensation, we have beautiful blood-red sunsets.

Difficult times seem to stress the difference between what is real and what is just an illusion.
The real friends call every day to make sure I'm ok and tell me I can call them any time. They are there for me, and give me the love and support I need to go through this.
Anything else is not love, it is a dream and illusion.

My grandmother, Miriam Gedalia, died yesterday. Friday, May 2nd 2008. She was dying for the last 6 month, and I am glad it is finally over. I miss her terribly.

Old memories are floating to the surface one by one. Playing checkers, playing card games, breakfast in bed, singing in the rain. Weekend in Tel-Aviv. Weekend in paris. My grandmother getting drunk on champagne.

I never figured out what was her favorite food. Actually, it was very difficult finding out her preferences and opinions on any topic. She was not opinionated, she prefered to accomodate other people, make those close to her happy. She liked what I liked, ate what I ate.

It is also difficult to know how clever she was. Unlike everyone else, she didn't try to make herself appear smarter or prettier. I can't tell if her naivette was real or a good act. I could never tell if she let me win when we played games together. Sometimes she hinted that it was better not to let others know how smart you really are. Let them underestimate you, she said, they make more mistakes that way. She firmly believed in living below her means, no one has to know how much money you have, and you don't want to make other people envious.

My grandmother taught me how to cook, but then she told me not to bother because I can buy good ready made food at the market. She also gave me good sex advice - in the summer, you do it only when you have to. She tried to give me good martial advice as well, how to keep my husband happy.
Don't let your husband go to a conference alone was on top of the list. She religiously followed this advice all her life, traveling with her husband to conferences all over the world. While he talked and listened to lectures, she visited all of Europe, much of the US, Japan, Thailand, Australia and New Zealand. Sending us photos and bringing gifts from every location. I think she liked Japan the most.

My grandmother was a good person. Always listening to others. Even strangers could tell that about her, and they would find her in line to the bank, in the clinic, in the supermarket. They told her their stories, and she always listened patiently, never speaking of her trouble. She did everything she could to make others happy. Without a thought to herself. No expense was too high, nothing was too difficult. I could tell million stories that demonstrate this, but when I try, it always sounds like people were taking advantage of her. It seemed that way to me too at the time. But now I'm not sure this was the case. Maybe she really loved making others happy, and she enjoyed making herself usefull for her family. Its difficult to tell, with her.

The emptiness left in my life now that she is gone is unbelievable. The only person I trusted, the only person who looked after my interests, the only person who was unconditionally kind and loving to me. It is difficult for me to imagine life without her. No words can express how much I miss her.

Reviewing the Fall:
I put Sharona's tiny puppet in my cube - I'm not sure if it counts as decorating.
I drew a lot, and improved a lot, and I barely threw away anything.
I hiked, less than I wanted to, but it was great. The bay area is so beautifull in the fall, and we even learned that we find many mushrooms on every hike.
I didn't listen to Jazz. Just didn't feel like it. I'm still listening mostly to filk, my current favorite is Gwen Knighton.
I didn't make mushroom rissotto, but I made the worlds most amazing mushroom pasta. Real resturant quality. I'm so proud!
New friend... That is more difficult. I definitely got closer to some people I know here, which is cool. But the real friend I've found is yet another long distance friendship. Must be my Karma or something.
Read long books slowly - I think I finally got the knack of actually reading books instead of inhaling them.
Read technical books - it didn't work that well, I'm just beginning a technical book.
Red wine - oh yes, I want more :-)
Review last years accomplishments and mistakes - well, here's a mistake for you. I should have written down my thoughts, because they evaporated by now. Also, I've discovered that contemplation is a moving target. Like housework, it is never finished. I keep getting new insights.
Say goodbye to grandmother - I did. And just in time. I saw her last less than a month ago, and when I talked to her yesterday I was very glad I rescheduled my trip to Israel, because due to heavy medication she is barely herself anymore.
Vacation near Mt Shasta - Oh yes, I want more :-)
Visit Israel - It was the best of times, it was the worse of times... But I managed to see most of my friends and not get divorced.
Visit Museums - not even one.
Wear eyeliner - It turns out that wearing eyeliner is easy, remembering to remove it at night is the tricky part.
Yoga once a week - not even once. And due to bad weather I also stopped cycling. I must find fun activity for the winter before I lose my fitness.

But the really remarkable things that happened were not planned, which is even better. I went to Oracle OpenWorld, met many great people, heard many cool presentations, and renewed my passion for life in general and hackery in particular. Since OOW, I feel like I'm 18 again (including the bad parts - moodswings and tendency to manipulate people), but I also feel much more myself and alive than I did in the last few years.

Winter plans will follow, and maybe plans for 2008 as well.

Been at the Lick Observatory on Mount Hamilton today, after last nights rains ruined our hopes for quality mountain biking.

Although the observatory is easily visible from San Jose, it took us over an hour to get there. The road is long, narrow and very twisted. Some sections are also very steep. These qualities make it a natural cycling Mecca, and indeed on the way there we've seen more bikes than cars. I'd say that these people are crazy, but I'm looking forward to the day that I'll be a good enough cyclist to try it myself. I really envy these cyclists for being so much in shape, and so determined.

The observator itself is like a steampunk dream. It was built in 1888 by a rich eccentric from San Fracisco, and it is unlike anything I've ever heard of. The telescope sits in a large round hall. You'll want to use it to see different sections of the sky, so naturally the ceiling has to rotate and open. Now, the telescope itself is one of the largest refraction telescopes in existance and weights 300 tons, but it is so perfectly balanced that you can actually direct it by hand to the place you want to watch. Now depending on the angle of the telescope, the eye piece can be at different heights, which can be difficult for the observer. The observatory designers solved this problem by making the entire floor of the hall (and its a large one) an elevator. The observer stands on the floor and the floor goes up and down around the telescope. All this is powered by water pumps. Isn't it amazing?
The depressing thing is that we could not actually try the telescope. Trying it would require registering for the observatory summer program, and the demand is so huge that there is a lottery to see who would actually get to do it.

The observatory also has a large modern telescope. One of the neat things about the modern telescope is that they use a lazer to generate a pseudo-star in the sky, and since they know what the laser star should look like, they can use it to know how the image is distorted by the atmosphere and correct the distortion using special mirrors. In addition they are currently building a new system that will use the telescope to automatically search for planets. Apperantly, until 10 years ago, no one knew if there are other planets outside the solar system. In the last ten years they found 106 planets and they want more.

Another strange thing about the observatory is that since it is so remote, the people who work there also live there. The astronomers don't live there, they just download the data, but there are 35 people who do live there - telescope technicians, cleaners, tour guides, etc. The lady I talked to has lived there for 27 years. Could be nice in a way, but living an hour away from the nearest pub would be dangerous for my nerves.

Ah, who said my witchcraft studies don't pay off.

I'm having a difficult day at work, with lots of pressure from all sides to get a million things done NOW. At one point my boss and I snapped at each other over a trivial issue.
So, I took a 5 minute break to hide in an abandoned conference room.
During the break I did a grounding exercise, and I concentrated so hard I could actually hear Valerie's voice as she guides the grounding before rituals ("as you continue to breath, deeply and easily, imagine that you are a tree...").
Then I called on the elements, asking for help in dealing with the difficult situation ("Help me deal with the small details of the task at hand, help me focus and communicate with my coworkers, give me energy to get me through the day, help me identify with my coworkers and understand their difficulties")

When I came back from the break, my boss was suddenly nicer and actually understood what I was trying to explain, my coworkers more patient and suddenly everything seemed simpler and easier.

Sometimes, a vacation can be very short and still effective.

After two weeks of fun in Israel, it is always difficult to come back to my mundane life.
I have a jetlag from hell, and work today was one urgent issue after another. I barely had enough time to breath. I keep looking at Sharona's Flutterbutt who is now hovering over my desk, and it kind of cheers me up for a bit.

Omer and I decided to register to a strength training program for the winter. You pay about 70$ and get an excersize program that can be done at home and few hours of consultation from a coach. Hopefully, I'll not only get stronger but more shaply as well.

One thing I did figure out during my trip to Israel - there are many people who love me and care about me and I should really take more care and keep in touch with them. Simply because it makes me happier.

You know how in Israel we were always upset that the ultra-religious parties were forcing us to move to winter time way before Europe and the US move?
Well, I'm starting to think that Israel and the religious parties are actually doing it right. Watching the sun rise at 7:30 am is ridiculious. 7:30? What time is that for a sunrise? Most people have to get up at least 30 minutes earlier to get their kids ready for school and such. I don't think the idea behind daylight saving time was to have everyone wake up 30 minutes before daylight starts.

Of course, I'm just gripping because my midweek bike rides usually start at 6:30, so I can get to work at time, and I really hate to start my rides when it is still pitch black outside. So, in a way, I am like the ultra-religious, trying to convince an entire coutry to change their clock to fit my needs. I think that in California there are enough people trying to excersize in the morning, that there is a real chance convincing the state to change the day light saving time change dates. I'm not sure what are the state rights in this matter, but if Arizona manage to have no daylight saving times at all, maybe California can just do different dates.

I'll be visiting Israel from Oct 20 to Nov 5.

Got it from LilacsInMarch:

1. Go to http://www.careercruising.com/
2. Put in Username: nycareers and Password: landmark.
3. Take their "Career Matchmaker" questions.
4. Post the top results.

1. Economist
2. Computer Support Person
3. Veterinary Technician
4. Computer Programmer
5. Venture Capitalist
6. Physicist
7. Anthropologist
8. Professor
9. Computer Engineer
10. Mathematician
11. Botanist
12. Communications Specialist
13. Business Systems Analyst
14. Biologist
15. Writer
16. Print Journalist
17. Veterinarian
18. Web Developer
19. Market Research Analyst
20. Translator
21. Database Developer
22. Technical Writer
23. Animal Breeder
24. Oceanographer
25. Activist
26. Economic Development Officer
27. Marine Biologist
28. Public Policy Analyst
29. Political Aide
30. Public Relations Specialist
31. Paleontologist
32. Zoologist
33. Critic
34. Mining Engineer
35. Electrical Engineer
36. Astronomer
37. Civil Engineer
38. Personal Financial Planner
39. Biomedical Engineer
40. Biological Tech

Plans for Fall:

Bake apples, buy a long English raincoat and wear it, decorate my cube, draw ever day - and keep the drawings, hike, listen to Jazz, prepare mushroom risotto, make a new friend, read a long book without rushing through it, read a technical book, drink red wine, think about last year - the accomplishments and mistakes, visit Israel and say goodbye to my grandmother, vacation in north California, water ski, visit museums, wear eyeliner, yoga once a week.

Shana Tova everyone!

Wear earrings every day - I did, and I love it. I feel better, coworkers enjoy commenting about my earrings of the day, everything is better with earrings.
Get my nails done by a professional - I did, and I'm not sure what's the big deal about it. It wasn't fun and it doesn't even look that good.
Get a facial - I have an appointment for later today.
Buy a light summer dress and wear it occasionally - Got a great dress at sale price, and I love it. Even wore it to work.

Ride my bikes at least 4 times a week - three is also ok, right?
Participate in charity century ride - century turned out to be very long indeed. I did half a century, and the real deal will wait for next summer.
Swim - who am I kidding? It is wet, I need to get almost naked and shave most of my body. No way.

Eat vegetables from my garden - The tomatoes turned out great. The zucchini will be the subject of a different post.
Regularly buy organic food at farmers market or community supported farm - Ah! Thats the best thing I did this summer. I subscribed to a local community farm, and I get a box of ultra fresh organic vegetables every week. I also got to try new vegetables - Tomatillos, white eggplants and golden beats.

Have a BBQ in my back yard - yes, but yet another thing that is not as cool as I thought it will be.
Entertain guests - I chickened out, and I really need to get over this irrational fear
Make a ceviche - Well, I tried.
Make the worlds best fuccaia - didn't even try.
Prepare and drink summary cocktails - Nothing like a Mojito at the end of the day

Write in my Oracle blog at least 3 times a week - I do!
Have 100 readers by the end of the summer - When I post, I usually have over 150 readers. I'm really proud of my technical blog.
Learn PL/SQL programming - I didn't. I still don't program much.

Read a book about magic - Starhawk's Spiral Dance. It was a pretty nice book, but the most magical book I've read this season is Lance Armstrong's Its not about the Bike. Amazing book about Lance recover from cancer.
Meditate daily - well, not daily. But sometimes.
Eat in a fancy restaurant - Arcadia in San Jose. It was unbelievably good. I should have posted about it.

Omer and I went to see AvenueQ in San Francisco this weekend. It was there as part of the US tour, and we only heard about this in time to get tickets to the very last show. I'm glad we did it though.

It was a cool and fun musical, but I can't say its on the same level as the "great" classical musicals. Mostly it is because of the Sesame Street format - you can't do great music when you have to keep to a kindergarten style. The lyrics were hilarious though. I was surprised at how relevant and somewhat political the topics were. I heard they want to do this musical in Israel. Someone will have to give it a huge rewrite. I wonder if they'll keep the explicit scenes (one of the best scenes involves two muppets making love on stage), the explicit lyrics ("grab your dick and double click"), and how they'll translate the political tones (from a gay republican to "George Bush is only for now"). The gay republican should become a member of the religious right in the IL version, but I doubt if it will actually appear on stage. Also, "everyone is a little bit racist" will probably sound very different when sang in a country where racism is not exactly something to be ashamed of.

If someone actually sees the show in Israel, do let me know how it was.

1. HP replaced my laptop, and I still didn't configure it to write in Hebrew. So now I'm forced to blog and IM in English only.

2. To Sharona Reuveni - I'm not 100% sure, but it looks like you are not receiving my emails. I've sent you two thank you letters for the wonderful birthday present you got me. Did you see any of it?

3. I'm reading Starhawk's Spiral Dance, these days and it got me thinking in few directions at once:
a. I still don't get why witches need to have these silly names. Starhawk, Raven, Storm, Wolf, etc.
b. Wicca books usually begin with a Wicca version of history. So does Starhawk's book. Maybe some of this is valid history, but after you run into few "facts" that are blatantly false, you can't really trust anything you read anymore.
c. Regardless of the false history, Spiral Dance is really thought provoking in many ways. I love it when I actually read new thoughts and ideas, not just conventional and expected iterations of ideas I've heard million times before. There are lots of insights about psychology, will and magic, sometimes with a new twist.
d. The book contains a chant that I've thought about today. It goes "She changes everything she touches and everything she touches changes". She, refers of course to the Wiccan goddess (I don't really like the concept, but thats a different topic), but it can also refer to all of us (after all, Wicca claims that each of us is a goddess). We can change things - our selves, our environment, the world by getting more involved with them, by touching them. And the other way around too - whatever we do, we change the world, we change ourselves and we change others. We need to be careful about it.

4. My readers will probably view this as a sign that I'm losing touch with reality, but I believe that I worked three successful spells this month, giving me about 20% success ratio. Not really impressive, but each of these successes in itself was very distinct - something tangible and valuable to me that had extremely low chances of happening.
I'll describe one example:
As you know, I have a professional blog. I put tons of effort into that blog, which is part of the reason I write less here, and it is important to me. On the average I have about 60 visits a day on that blog, sometimes as high as 80 and sometimes as low as 20. That is true for every day in the past two month since I opened the blog. Every day except my birthday. The night before my birthday, I did a small spell asking for help with my professional blog. I wanted to go over the 100 readers line. The next day I had almost 200 visitors. the spike shows nicely in the blog statistics. How did that happen? A Turkish DBA found my blog and posted a link in a Turkish DBA mailing list. Almost all the new visitors were from various webmail hosts. I'm sure it can be explained in many ways, but isn't this a cool coincidence?

Summer Plans:

Wear earrings every day, get my nails done by a professional, get a facial, buy a light summer dress and wear it occasionally, ride my bikes at least 4 times a week, participate in charity century ride, swim, eat vegetables from my garden, regularly buy organic food at farmers market or community supported farm, have a BBQ in my back yard, entertain guests, make a ceviche, make the worlds best fuccaia, prepare and drink summary cocktails, write in my Oracle blog at least 3 times a week, have 100 readers by the end of the summer, learn PL/SQL programming, read a book about magic, meditate daily, eat in a fancy resturant.